Prioritizing Effective Communication

In Erin’s family growing up one had to be quick, clever, and confident if they were going to talk their way out of trouble or get what they wanted. Talking about your feelings was a liability and if you were lucky you would simply be ignored rather than ridiculed. Erin was not quick or confident. Her brothers were funny, quick witted, and fearless. They had many opportunities to hone those skills as they were frequently talking their way out of trouble!

When Erin wanted to defend herself, stand up for herself, or state her case she would do so from a place of certainty that no one was going to listen to her even if she managed to say what was on her mind. She learned to express herself through writing and stopped even trying to do so verbally because when she did, she found that she was unable to articulate what her true feelings were. If she wrote down her thoughts and feelings, she could take all the time she needed to listen to what she had to say and how she felt about whatever was happening. Eventually Erin learned that to truly communicate what was in her heart and on her mind, she would have to slow things down.

When emotions or stakes are high, if we are truly going to honor our feelings and thoughts we may need to ask for more time. We can use phrases like:

I need some time to think about that before I respond.

Give me a few minutes to process what you’re saying.

Let me sit on that for a bit.

I need to slow this down.

I’ll get back to you on that.

I’m not sure how I feel about that I need time to think.

In allowing ourselves the time our systems need to truly HEAR what we think and feel about a certain situation we are not only honoring ourselves but we are also honoring the connection between ourselves and another.