What are the benefits of Relationship Coaching?

Here are a few examples of how Relationship/Life Coaching can help you.

     Mary’s teenage son Eddy was acting out. He was rude, reactive, and disrespectful to Mary. Mary’s sister lived nearby and would listen to her sibling as she shared her frustrations and overwhelm. Eddy was not inappropriate with his aunt and yet Mary started to notice how her sister began to pull away from her son and treat him with an almost unfriendly distant cold. In our life coaching session, we discussed what Mary needed from her sister to feel at peace with the situation. We worked together to form a non-violent, compassionate communication to present to her. It went like this:

   Observation: “Sister,” I notice that since I started sharing my struggles with you around Eddy you have become distant and cold with him.

   Feelings: I feel sad that sharing my struggles with Eddy seems to have negatively impacted your relationship to him. I feel afraid to share with you because I don’t want that to happen.

    Need: I need to be able to feel I can share my struggles with you and not have them impact your connection to Eddy

   Request: Would you be willing to support me as you do, listen to me, and not let my pain influence how you treat Eddy?

   Mary felt good about the message and the request and regardless of how her sister responded, she felt empowered and clear in making the request. She knew that she could not control her sister’s response and was able to let go knowing she’d asked for what she needed and could make a choice about her own next steps.

Sandra’s husband had an anger issue. He also had trauma. When he became triggered, he would rant on and was unable to allow Sandra to take space for herself from his ranting. Sandra was at her wit’s end. She felt compassion for her husband’s trauma but also knew she could no longer endure his perseverating and ranting.

     Sandra formed a clear and firm boundary for herself with her husband:

     Observation: I notice when you are triggered by something you come towards me with anger and you are unable to stop ranting at me even when I ask for space you follow me and will not allow me the space I need to take care of myself.

     Feelings: When you do this I feel trapped, afraid, and overwhelmed.

     Need: I need to be able to move away from you when you are in this state. I need to know you are working towards resolving your trauma and changing this behavior.

     Request: Would you be willing to seek help in managing your behavior and your trauma so that these interactions don’t keep happening?

Sandra’s husband said he would seek help but did not take action. Sandra had to make a difficult decision around taking care of herself and staying in her marriage. As difficult as it can be, at times after we identify our needs and make our requests, the other person in relationship is not able or willing to meet our needs and we must decide what our next steps towards peace and wellness might be.

    The benefits of relationship coaching in these examples are twofold. In Heart of the Matter Coaching, we work first on your relationship to self. We take time to identify what’s not working and what your needs are. Once you have been able to identify those things, we figure out a compassionate, clear way of asking for what you need and how to move forward both when your request is met or when it’s not. Using self-reflection and inquiry we find what’s at the heart of the matter and work together to set realistic goals towards realizing your best life.

If you’d like to see if Heart of the Matter Coaching can help you with relationship issues to self and another take advantage of a free over the phone consult to see if my work is the right fit for you.

Heart of the Matter Coaching: Healthy Relationships through Clear and Compassionate Communication.

Nina Vincent

333 Miller Ave. Suite 7

Mill Valley, Ca 94941

 415-595-2739

*Virtual or in person sessions