People sometimes ask me, “How is life coaching different from therapy?”

it’s a good question. Both can offer a space for reflection, self-awareness, and meaningful change. But the focus and purpose of the work are different.

Therapy generally focuses on healing psychological distress, understanding the impact of past experiences, and treating mental health conditions.

Life coaching generally focuses on where you are now, where you want to go, and what may be getting in the way.

As an online life coach and with clients in my Mill Valley office, I work with people who want to create meaningful change in their lives, relationships, and the way they relate to themselves.

Life coaching can help you get unstuck, understand patterns that keep repeating, improve relationships, communicate differently, make difficult decisions, and develop greater self-awareness.

But life coaching isn’t simply about setting goals and making a plan.

Sometimes we already know what we want to change. We just can’t seem to change it.

We keep having the same argument with our partner.

We react to our child in ways we don’t understand.

We know we want something different but can’t seem to move forward.

We find ourselves repeating the same relationship patterns even when we desperately want something different.

We may even find ourselves thinking:

“I know better. Why do I keep doing this?”

This is where deeper personal growth coaching can be helpful.

Instead of simply asking, “What should I do differently?” we can become curious about what is happening underneath the behavior:

What am I believing?
What am I feeling?
What pattern keeps repeating?
What am I afraid might happen?
What happens in my body when I think this thought?
What might become possible if I could see this situation differently?

The Work of Byron Katie

One of the approaches I draw from in my life coaching isThe Work of Byron Katie, a powerful practice of self-inquiry.

We often experience our thoughts as facts:

“My partner doesn’t care about me.”

“My child should understand.”

“I have to make this person see my point of view.”

“I shouldn’t be feeling this way.”

But what happens when we slow down and question the thought rather than automatically believing it?

The Work invites us to investigate the thoughts and beliefs that create stress and suffering.

The goal isn’t to replace negative thoughts with positive ones. It is to become curious about what we are believing and to see whether there might be another way of understanding what is happening.

This kind of self-inquiry can be particularly powerful in relationship coaching, where our thoughts, expectations, fears, and emotional patterns can profoundly affect the way we relate to the people we love.

Compassionate Inquiry and the Body

I also incorporate Gabor Maté’s Compassionate Inquiry approach into my coaching.

Compassionate Inquiry brings attention to the relationship between our thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and what we experience in the body.

Sometimes we can understand something intellectually and still find ourselves reacting in exactly the same way.

We may know we don’t need to take something personally—and yet our body tightens, our heart races, or we immediately become defensive.

This is where somatic awarenessandembodied awareness can become important.

Instead of immediately trying to change the emotion, we slow down and become curious about what is happening.

What am I feeling?

Where do I feel it in my body?

What happens when I stay present with that sensation?

This can help us develop deeper emotional awareness and recognize patterns that may operate beneath our conscious thinking.

Coaching Isn’t About Fixing You

I don’t believe people need to be fixed.

Often, underneath our reactions, defenses, judgments, and patterns is a perfectly understandable attempt to protect ourselves or get our needs met.

When we can meet those patterns with curiosity rather than judgment, something can begin to shift.

The goal isn’t to become a different person. It is to become more aware of who you are, what you believe, how you respond, and what choices may be available to you.

That is where meaningful personal transformation can begin.

And coaching and therapy aren’t necessarily either/or. Some people benefit from both.

Therapy can provide essential support for psychological conditions and significant emotional distress, while life coachingcan provide a space for personal growth, relationship work, self-inquiry, and creating change in the present.

For me, the heart of  life coaching is helping people become more conscious of the thoughts, emotions, and patterns that shape their lives—and discovering that they may have more choice than they realized.

Sometimes the biggest change doesn’t come from figuring out what to do.

It comes from seeing something differently.