The most important thing to remember about telling someone else “your truth” is that it’s YOUR truth not THE truth. Oft times we are sure that our truths are reality and we want others to see them as such. The only truth we can know for certain is the one that involves our feelings and even they are oft times fleeting and ever-changing. It is important to remember that we are responsible for how we interpret and assign meaning to things we see and hear and that our feelings follow the lead of those interpretations. How we communicate our feelings is key to a successful relationship.

     When we assume that someone else’s actions were intended to hurt, ignore, anger or belittle us the feelings that arise are based in assumption rather than truth. We are responsible for our own feelings, so it is in our own best interest to separate the story we tell ourselves about someone else’s actions and stick to what we observed, how it made us feel, what we need or want in order to feel better in the situation and how we’d like those needs met. Here is an example of someone assuming their truth is the only truth. Notice how the person assumes their partner never considered them and doesn’t see them as important. The request was framed in an accusatory tone rather than a clear statement.

     “You invited our friends over and didn’t ask me if it was okay. I’m frustrated that you didn’t even think to ask me first. The truth is you don’t even think about what I want, I’m not important enough to you to include in the decision-making process. Why can’t you just ask me before making plans?”

     The beauty of Non-Violent Communication is that it uses observations rather than interpretations and avoids making assumptions or judgements about another person’s behaviors. When we simply state what we observed without assumption or judgement and talk about our feelings in concise and simple language better communication often happens. Here’s that same scenario told in a different way:

 “When you invited our friends over for the night without checking in with me I felt frustrated because I didn’t have a say in what was happening.  I need to be included in decisions that impact me as well.  Would you be willing to include me in decisions that involve other people coming to our home before you extend an invitation to them?”

Healthy communication is the key to healthy relationship. Communication in relationships can be effective communication with the use of non-violent communication skills.