What to Expect from Personal Growth/Life Coaching

     What is personal growth/life coaching? What are the benefits of relationship coaching and what should I expect during a session?

     What I offer is an opportunity to discover what beliefs, patterns, and fears are getting in the way of your relationship with yourself and therefore your relationship with others. I offer guidance delivered with simplicity, curiosity, and caring support. I invite you to explore how your style of communication, your personal fears, and your assumptions may be distancing you from yourself and those you are in relationship with. I create space for deep listening with love and warmth. I welcome fear, sorrow, anger, joy, and hope into the space and do my best to help you feel held and heard, challenged and encouraged. Together we will forge a gentle and clear path towards achieving your goals.

     For some of us our childhood histories make it difficult to trust. We may fear that expressing our feelings or our discontent may result in conflict, being shut down, or ignored. It may feel easier to say nothing and just live with what’s not working. When we do this, we put ourselves in a position of victimhood and helplessness. For some the solution is to become angry or to blame the other. When our needs aren’t being met or we assume others are intentionally causing us harm we may find ways to point fingers, criticize and disparage our employers, friends, and family. Anger generates a sense of feeling powerful, and blame a way to feel righteous. If we hold tight to either we may end up feeling alone and separate rather than connected and cared for.

     Here is an example of how experiences from our past influence how we interpret and metabolize what’s happening in the present. When we recognize it, we are given the opportunity to identify the wounds of our past and notice how they are influencing our experiences and relationships in the present empowering us to make change:

     Amara and Shelly had been friends for fifteen years. Once their kids were in high school, they decided to start a Maker’s Market that supported local artists. Recently Shelly noticed that Amara had been doing some of the tasks that they’d agreed Shelly would do. Shelly was angry and assumed that Amara thought she couldn’t carry her share of the work.

     I asked Shelly to identify her feelings around the situation. She felt angry, hurt, and afraid. I asked her if this situation was reminiscent of one from another time in her life. If feelings from her past were merging with those in the present situation. Shelly recalled the way her father would get impatient with her when she was young and learning a new task. The messaging she received was that she wasn’t capable, smart enough, or ready to complete the task. Shelly realized that she was afraid Amara was feeling that about her as a business partner.

     Shelly was willing to check in with her partner in a curious non-judgmental way. Rather than accusing Amara of not having faith in her as a business partner she approached her with an observation: “I’ve noticed you have been picking up work at the shop that I thought we’d agreed I would do. I have a story I’m telling myself that it’s because you don’t think I’m capable of doing it myself and I wondered if there’s any truth to that?”

Amara was surprised and shared with Shelly that she’d wanted to take some of the workload off Shelly’s hands because she knew she was dealing with an ailing father and wanted to ease her burden a bit.

      Shelly felt relieved and grateful and went on to share a bit of her past and why she’d felt the way she did about the situation. Amara appreciated Shelly’s willingness to be vulnerable and they both felt a deeper connection and understanding between them. Amara agreed that in the future she’d check in with Shelly if she wanted to be helpful and do more and Shelly promised to let her know if she needed extra help.